Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE STREETLIGHT WENT OUT
I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON
HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK OF ANYONE EVER AND THEN SHOUTED “LATER MUGGLES” AND RAN OFF
AM I DREAMING
HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH A TEACHER EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE OLDER THAN YOU AND THEY’RE YOUR TEACHER THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
“Mad was the last kid I saw and he was asleep. He was 3 months old and they put him in my arms and he stayed asleep and they put him in the bath and he stayed asleep and I thought he was narcoleptic or something. Then he opened his eyes and just stared at me for the longest time and I just stared at him and I started crying and he smiled. And it wasn’t that he smiled that he liked me, it was just that I hadn’t held children in my life and I was always considered so dark and I always had so many things that made me feel like maybe I shouldn’t be somebody’s mom because certainly the world has an opinion of me and I’m not so sure about myself and am I gonna be the best mom? So the fact that this little kid seemed at ease gave me the courage to feel like I could make him happy. And so we became a family right then.” — Angelina Jolie
(Source: becketts)
I JUST WANT A BOY TO LIKE ME AND THINK I AM PRETTY AND WANT TO KISS ME AND OTHER THINGS AND GO TO CONCERTS WITH ME AND GO CAMPING AND WATCH THE STARS AND TALK ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND UGH
BOYS TAKE OFF THEIR SHIRTS SO WEIRD THEY LIKE GRAB THE SHIRT FROM THE BACK OF THEIR NECK AND YANK IT OVER THEIR HEAD THAT IS SO SEXUAL LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW YOU DO IT BOYS
(Source: drunkpeeta)
A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.
About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”
He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:
Hey Mom
I’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your Son.
A couple days later he got a response from his mother:
Dear Son,
I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.
When are the two of you coming for dinner?
Love,
Mom
BEST MOM
I’m crYING
& it sucks knowing that a majority of people would rather talk to what I look like on the right instead of left.
Why? We have the same personality though.
too powerful not to reblog
‘stop being overdramatic’ they say
‘i dont know what you mean’ i say as i descend from the ceiling, surrounded by mist
do british people have a special £ key on their keyboards
how do you hashtag ??????
hashtag is over by the enter key don’t you worry your lil butt
wait
what… what do American keyboards look like then?
oh
Having friends on tumblr is really great. I often refer to you guys in real life as “my friend from england/autrallia/california/new york” and it makes people think I’m very well traveled when really I’ve just spent a lot of time on the Internet.
(Source: healiing)
wait you mean you don’t use the word ‘fortnight’ in america???
Wait what? Then what do they use?
they don’t have a word
what do you mean they don’t have a word what kind of uncivilised people are they??
the fuck is a fortnight
It’s a word for ‘two weeks’
We say “two weeks”
Who uses fortnight? I mean, seriously?